I remember crying, crying so hard my head hurt. I wanted to cry the pain away but I couldn’t. I wanted to hate him but I found myself loving him. What was wrong with me? Why was I always being punished for love? Kola was everything and my world was centred on him.
As we drove into the hospital compound I was done crying. Whatever was going to happen would happen and I was going to deal with it.
I could see Dr. Ajijola and Franklin standing in front of the hospital. I could feel all eyes on me, I was still in my bum short and crop top but I had too much on my plate to care about what people thought. I was treated as a VIP, taken to an inner office where I was attended to. I was given drugs as prophylaxis, they encouraged me to adhere to them and I was smart enough to listen. They reassured me that I would be fine. I was supposed to come in 3months time to be tested.
I didn’t want to go home, I already lied to mummy about where I was going to and I couldn’t explain all these to her. She would be the typical Yoruba mother she was and do everything to see Kola suffer. I stayed over at Ada’s. She was nice to me and at some point I felt it was unnecessary.
She had other plans for the day, I had to convince her that I was fine but she wouldn’t listen. She called Tobi to continue the shift and left for the market. Before Tobi arrived I decided to call Kola, maybe he had an explanation for all these. I dialled his number hoping he wouldn’t pick up and he didn’t, I summoned courage and called again, he didn’t pick.
I got a message from him ‘Why would you call me? When you found out my status you called your friends like I was some beast. It was just a total waste of time that I fell in love with you but from your actions you never loved me. Don’t ever call me again. It’s over and I owe you no apology. KOLA WILLIAMS’.
I felt faint. I couldn’t breathe. How would he think I didn’t love him after everything I did to satisfy him? I could swear I loved him, every bit of me loved him and it just hurt that he thought I didn’t. I kept giving excuses for him; he was probably angry but would come back to his senses.
I didn’t know I was crying, I didn’t know Tobi was in front of me, he collected the phone from me and I could see the rage in his eyes as he read the text message. I was expecting him to do something maybe slap me into reality but he dropped my phone and left. I cried some more. What has my life become? I was becoming what I wasn’t like, a hopeless case and even my best friend couldn’t stand me.
I was tired of crying. I was drained. I knew Ada would be pissed with me if she heard what happened but I didn’t care. I was ready to do anything to get him out of my head and move on. I was beginning to regret having anything to do with him. I was too tired I slept off thinking of so many things.
I could hear Ada’s car driving in; I must have slept for 30minutes. My head felt heavy and my body ached so bad. I felt horrible and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t start praying to God because I was the cause of my predicament. I hated myself.
I could see Ayomide with Ada, that girl. I just hated her so much, she was the cause of all these. If she didn’t tell Ada K was on drugs there wouldn’t be any need to search, I wouldn’t have found the drugs, she was the cause. I know I sound stupid but Kola’s love made me this way. I hated her for not saying the truth maybe if she told me his status I wouldn’t be this destabilized.
A knock on the door and she had the guts to come in smiling. I wanted to beat her up and watch her die in front of me.
‘Hello Dami. I know you hate me right now but I actually came as a friend. I hate to see you like this and I understand what you are going through. Kola is a beast and shouldn’t be trusted. I wanted you to find out yourself and I am sorry things got this bad’
This girl must be foolish, which friend would see her friend going into fire and not warn her? This was one of the reasons I hated her. The annoying part was that Ada told her everything that happened. Was she crazy or something? What was she thinking?
I could see her coming close to hug me, I detested her and I was going through a lot to even pretend to like her.
‘Get out’ I screamed. ‘I hope you die and your soul never finds rest’. I could see how shocked she was. What was she expecting that we kiss and make up? Very disgusting animal!
Ada ran into the room, I could break her head if not that she was my friend she would have heard the last of it. She led Ayomide out and came back to argue. By the time I was done with her she knew I was already something else. All I wanted was for them to leave me alone. All their care and love hasn’t given me anything but hate and sadness. She left in rage but I cared less.
I knew I was wrong but she was too and I wasn’t ready to apologize. I got a message from her ‘Damilola Coker, I am sorry, deeply sorry. I know bringing her was insensitive of me especially at this time but all I want is for you to be happy. I love you’. ‘This silly girl’ I thought to myself.
I found her in the kitchen trying to prepare dinner. She was excited to see me and I felt a little better. I told her that I called Kola, showed her the message and told her Tobi’s reaction. She laughed like she knew already. ‘I just want you to be fine I know you would’ she said hugging me.
We ate white rice and vegetable that day and talked about everything but Kola. I was beginning to feel better and that was sincerely what I wanted HIV positive or not. I missed being me, the way I bitched about guys and enjoyed my carefree life.
We got drunk, played music and danced so hard. I was sure we were disturbing the neighbours but we could care less. We laughed so hard got naked and played like little children. By the time it was morning we had just slept for 2 hours, we had a terrible hang over and the house was a mess. I was having the worse hang over of my life and the truth began to dawn of me. I was beginning to hate Kola and all I wanted was him to suffer.
Tobi called and told us he was coming to pick us up, he wanted to take us out. We had 2 hours to get ready, all we could was multitask; we swept, mopped and arranged the house to the best of our ability at least it was better than how it was initially.
We ended up driving around and ended up at the lake. I felt like some cool breeze was blowing through my brain. I knew I had to tell mummy and that was the toughest part of it. I knew I was going to be fine it won’t be easy but I would be fine. I had the most supportive and loving friends. Just looking at the water made me remember Kola, the good times and how much we loved it each other. Did he truly love me? Was he true to me? Did I just give my heart out to someone who was going to shred it?
TO BE CONT'D...
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