The new AFL season is upon us already and The Talisman has decided to give you readers a glimpse of what might happen during the season. Buckle up, should be a fun ride!
The Fans:
Never again would the fans be subjected to excruciatingly boring football from teams playing. If you’re coming to get us bored to tears with Van Gaal-like 0-0, then you had better have some shields on or get prepared to be stoned from the newly constructed pavilion with raw Turturkeykey eggs and pure water sachets. (That spelling is not wrong, it’s a turkey stuffed inside another turkey). The fans shall entertain themselves with their throwing skills if you fail to do your job on the pitch
New Ball Boys
The Talisman believes since majority of Alpha FC’s senior players have graduated and many of those who haven’t graduated have transferred to other teams and the low probability of them recruiting any good players, they might as well help us out as mascots and ball boys. I mean instead of them wasting our time and playing in that ridiculous orange colour. Those in favour say Aye, The Ayes have it. There can’t be nays to this idea in this life.
New Leicester
You can safely bet your money on Wolves FC to put up quite a show this season. Probably top the table after beating Classic and Spartans. They’d be so good I tell you. Watch out for these guys
Nah…just kidding, please enjoy your beloved relegation fight, Wolves FC (And sure, there WILL BE A RELEGATION RULE THIS YEAR)
Relegation Rule
There has to be a punishment for teams who think they can just waste the time of the fans. Teams who think they can just come and play football like 90 year old grandmothers in a near state of a Coma. Relegation would mean getting your tails back to five-aside football using your soccer boots as goal posts, since you want to be childish. The money you contribute to FA would be spent for Charity causes don’t worry
Girlfriends
Because we now have a Pavilion doesn’t automatically permit you to come with bae to love up. Absolutely not! Serious business is going on the pitch, we don’t want someone who feels cute thinking handball at the centre circle should be a Penalty. It’s a football stand, not a mating shed or a hotel room. Clear?
Crumbling House of Cards (The New Chelsea):
Certain Goalkeeper just graduated, certain Engineering students are going on IT after 1st Semester exams. Can you smell that? A certain team is royally screwed. It’s not rocket science now is it? Common, you have more than half a brain up there, figure that team out.
As a sign of Respect
Against the Staff Team; if you dribble a member of staff and he falls down in some Mr Bean-style, you shall pick him up and shall report yourself to the referee, who in turn shall deliciously produce a red card…and off you go bro!
The Staff members have immunity against tackles. They shall not be tackled when they are on the ball and when they tackle you (however hard it is) and you fall, you shall be booked for diving.
Mu’naj FC
Their best piece of transfer business would be selling off half of their players to lure Marta EMEM Vieira Da Silva to their team. Of course they’d still lose, but there’s no difference anyway
About Violence during the Matches
Referees shall no longer stop players from fighting. Henceforth, fighting players shall be allowed to get their business done (while other players sit on the pitch and cheer) after which the loser is sent off and the winner shall, well…be made to set their backsides to be chopped off by Abdul the Boerboel (The School’s official dog, I joke not. That’s the name). Fist blows not allowed. Only Liu Kang and Jonny Cage type of kicks
On behalf of The Entire Abuadstudent.blogspot family, I wish you a very happy holiday whether or not you’re being useful at home.
We’re done here. Time to go and do something actually serious.
Crazy somebody! Turturkeykey..lmao I am dead!
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